Happy Hookers

The Bard's Place



Welcome to the Bard's Place
Highfield Highjinks and sex on the golfcourse

Highfield was the location
For some Happy Hooking last Sat
The weather was fine for front and back nine
An all were grateful for that

Presidents Say t'was the occasion
The turnout was set to enthrall (?)
All the Lemon's appeared apparently clear
Minded for a change according to Paul

John D walked away the winner
Clutching a fine tankard and drink
However t'was a sober John that treated us all anon
To the Hookers first winner's speech!

Sex was promised to a female golfer
When Big S with ease hit an eagle
But t'was rightly pointed out by the lady anon
That in a public place that was illegal!

So here's to another outing
Golfer of the Year is at stake
So come on lads and get playing
And don't let John get his name on the plate!
Jim Q's a Big Jenny no Question!

Thru' wind and rain the 26 came
To confront the mighty Corballis,
The golf balls flew and everyone knew
The hard challenge that was before us.

Except for one, our most outspoken chum,
Was not up to the challenge, alas.
At the ninth hole he succumbed, having weighed up the sums
And the result was he should Jenny his ass.

The car not far away; he called it a day
At the ninth with the hailstones flying
"A constant stream of short holes" and a wife he barely knows
"Life is too short" he was crying

Even English slag calls and various email mauls
Would not make our friend admit to a woose
Golf learnt on "windswept links" was the only excuse methinks
For a wife waiting at home with a noose

So the golf course was crap - we couldn't help that
T'was your inferior play had you Jenny led
The smart amongst us had the lore to find out before
And on Saturday morn stayed in bed!
Rugged Rolicking Around Roundwood (a Jaunt In Maddog Country)

High in the Wicklow Hills
The Hookers ventured to play
18 holes of superior golf
At Roundwood last Saturday

Despite the smallness of turnout
The lads put on a great show
Get the balls on the tees - hit as hard as you please
Is something each hooker should know

Our Cosmo ventured forth this outing
A belly in motion on the green
Poetic slices rapped the air of the fairway
Tis a sight to be believed must be seen

But fair credit to the ball losing Cosmo
With his ankles all bound up stiff as walls
He trotted hill and dale and did not fail
To win 6th and thus replace his lost balls

The iron swinging Walter took top prize... (eventually...)
A Serious golfer is he
Chris Stephenson the pro-beginner took last place
After damaging several course trees

But alas, alack the day was not right
Without the presence of Jim Quigley the star
He was too busy clanking his rumoured size balls
With his wildebeest mates in some bar

Matt shot a drive unequalled
While Big S scored close to the pin
That was not just because his good looking wife
Was playing a round with him

So get off yer asses ye hookers
And get to Turvey Course, Donabate
The golf will be fine off the back nine
And if you have any, bring along a mate !
Happy Hookers Host Hell In Hotel

SUN's Christmas Bash was a posh affair
With men in black tie and women so fair
It's the night of the year no Hooker should miss
When they lower the tone and go out on the piss

Where the hell was Cosmo
At this annual bash
Rumour says he partied elsewhere
Now he has a car to crash

The Hookers abided one and all
Packed like sardines at the table
There were crackers to pull and hats to don
For all of those who were able

The soup course Chris remembers well
Especially when forced to wear it.
It's a new ettiquete that staff throw food around
And guests just have to grin and bear it

Now Hookers are renowned to be jammy
When it comes to the annual draw
They usually win all the best prizes
And never share any at all.

Mattman's number was first to come up
He has winning top prizes mastered
When he pulled the top grand bang in his hand
The company yelled out you *******...Well Done!

There was song and dancing to Robbies gay tunes
Adorning and decking the halls
The high heels were kicking all roads around
Thankfully, hookers have hard balls!

The sports and social draw was fair and square
And indeed, fortunes were mixed
The fact one of the committee won the top prize
Does not mean that this draw was fixed

All in all, a sucessful night
The hookers were out in their hoards
They picked up prizes, had a laugh and joked
And most got drunker than Lords.
Ode To The Happy Hookers

Sun Microsystems sexiest bunch of lookers
Have just formed the golfing "Happy Hookers"
Not to be confused with the Rugby pack
These balls are smaller and harder to whack!

Mattman's in charge of the rowdy lot
While Ronan keeps tabs on the money pot
If you don't turn up or part with your pennies
These lads will brand you a right bunch O' jennies

So come rain or shine the Hookers will play
With their little white balls for most of the day.
Not contented with fumbles in bunkers and hedges
They come armed with Big Bertha's and varied sand wedges

So play if you dare in this elite little"club"
It's always worthwhile in the nineteenth hole pub!