The Bard's Place
| Welcome to the Bard's Place |
| Highfield Highjinks and sex on the golfcourse Highfield was the location For some Happy Hooking last Sat The weather was fine for front and back nine An all were grateful for that Presidents Say t'was the occasion The turnout was set to enthrall (?) All the Lemon's appeared apparently clear Minded for a change according to Paul John D walked away the winner Clutching a fine tankard and drink However t'was a sober John that treated us all anon To the Hackers first winner's speech! Sex was promised to a female golfer When Big S with ease hit an eagle But t'was rightly pointed out by the lady anon That in a public place that was illegal! So here's to another outing Golfer of the Year is at stake So come on lads and get playing And don't let John get his name on the plate! |
| Jim Q's a Big Jenny no Question! Thru' wind and rain the 26 came To confront the mighty Corballis, The golf balls flew and everyone knew The hard challenge that was before us. Except for one, our most outspoken chum, Was not up to the challenge, alas. At the ninth hole he succumbed, having weighed up the sums And the result was he should Jenny his ass. The car not far away; he called it a day At the ninth with the hailstones flying "A constant stream of short holes" and a wife he barely knows "Life is too short" he was crying Even English slag calls and various email mauls Would not make our friend admit to a woose Golf learnt on "windswept links" was the only excuse methinks For a wife waiting at home with a noose So the golf course was crap - we couldn't help that T'was your inferior play had you Jenny led The smart amongst us had the lore to find out before And on Saturday morn stayed in bed! |
| Rugged Rolicking Around Roundwood (a Jaunt In Maddog Country) High in the Wicklow Hills The Hackers ventured to play 18 holes of superior golf At Roundwood last Saturday Despite the smallness of turnout The lads put on a great show Get the balls on the tees - hit as hard as you please Is something each hacker should know Our Cosmo ventured forth this outing A belly in motion on the green Poetic slices rapped the air of the fairway Tis a sight to be believed must be seen But fair credit to the ball losing Cosmo With his ankles all bound up stiff as walls He trotted hill and dale and did not fail To win 6th and thus replace his lost balls The iron swinging Walter took top prize... (eventually...) A Serious golfer is he Chris Stephenson the pro-beginner took last place After damaging several course trees But alas, alack the day was not right Without the presence of Jim Quigley the star He was too busy clanking his rumoured size balls With his wildebeest mates in some bar Matt shot a drive unequalled While Big S scored close to the pin That was not just because his good looking wife Was playing a round with him So get off yer asses ye hackers And get to Turvey Course, Donabate The golf will be fine off the back nine And if you have any, bring along a mate ! |
| Happy Hackers Host Hell In Hotel SUN's Christmas Bash was a posh affair With men in black tie and women so fair It's the night of the year no Hacker should miss When they lower the tone and go out on the piss Where the hell was Cosmo At this annual bash Rumour says he partied elsewhere Now he has a car to crash The Hackers abided one and all Packed like sardines at the table There were crackers to pull and hats to don For all of those who were able The soup course Chris remembers well Especially when forced to wear it. It's a new ettiquete that staff throw food around And guests just have to grin and bear it Now Hackers are renowned to be jammy When it comes to the annual draw They usually win all the best prizes And never share any at all. Mattman's number was first to come up He has winning top prizes mastered When he pulled the top grand bang in his hand The company yelled out you *******...Well Done! There was song and dancing to Robbies gay tunes Adorning and decking the halls The high heels were kicking all roads around Thankfully, hackers have hard balls! The sports and social draw was fair and square And indeed, fortunes were mixed The fact one of the committee won the top prize Does not mean that this draw was fixed All in all, a sucessful night The hackers were out in their hoards They picked up prizes, had a laugh and joked And most got drunker than Lords. |
| Ode To The Happy Hackers Sun Microsystems sexiest bunch of lookers Have just formed the golfing "Happy Hackers" Not to be confused with the Rugby pack These balls are smaller and harder to whack! Mattman's in charge of the rowdy lot While Ronan keeps tabs on the money pot If you don't turn up or part with your pennies These lads will brand you a right bunch O' jennies So come rain or shine the Hackers will play With their little white balls for most of the day. Not contented with fumbles in bunkers and hedges They come armed with Big Bertha's and varied sand wedges So play if you dare in this elite little"club" It's always worthwhile in the nineteenth hole pub! |